It scares me a bit that every time you hear or see the word ‘passion’ the words ‘job’ or ‘career’ aren’t that far behind.
Ever since I was a little tater-tot I’d been saying that I wanted to be a doctor, “to give people shots so they would jump out of the window.” Now, I have no idea why I was so fixated on giving out shots so people would skyrocket out of an office window but, hey. Being a doctor isn’t my passion though, and saying that it isn’t my passion doesn’t make me not want to pursue my career choice. I’ve never been an actual doctor so how on earth does my passion coincide with my future career? I have a desire to be a doctor so that I am able to help people while they unknowingly help me. It sounds cliche though, I know, every time you ask someone in the medical field why they chose this path it’s always the same auto-generated answer “I want to help people.” There are so many different ways you could help people so why like this, why this way? I don’t have an answer for you personally, right now “helping people” is good enough for me but I did not make this post to talk about my career choice I made it because I’m now curious. I was laying down a few minutes ago watching older episodes of Supernatural and I caught the infamous “saving people, hunting things that’s what we do” in one of the flashbacks they do before the actual episode starts. (Supernatural fans you know what I’m talking about & also hooray for a 13th season renewal!!) I had no intentions of analyzing Sam and Dean’s life choices but throughout the entire episode my subconscious was doing her thing and mid episode I word vomited “What are you passionate about?” Weird right? So random but it really got me thinking. I’ve always wondered what I was passionate about but being that I don’t have an honest favorite color, food, or anything of that nature, my lack of answers to the question never struck me as odd, but alas here I am this time not curious about what my passion is but why I’m not passionate about anything. I mean I like a lot of stuff and I have a knack for certain things but does that mean I’m passionate about it as well?
I think I’m having a hard time drawing the lines between liking something, being good at something and being passionate about something. It’s a delicate word, not usually thrown around as freely as others words that I can’t think of right now are. Usually (not all the time but most times) when I hear people say they’re passionate about something it’s because they’ve been doing it literally their entire lives. The only thing I’ve had the opportunity of dealing with my whole life is school, that may be the reason I’m so hard on myself about it, which is not at all healthy by the way, but does me wanting to be good in school mean I’m passionate about it? If so my perception of passion has been completely misconstrued.
Maybe I’m just overreacting, the semester’s just starting off and I’m not completely engulfed in work which has given me time to rack my brain, redecorate, and clean out my closet. I know passions don’t just fall from the sky wrapped in pretty paper with your name on it, but I didn’t think I’d have to erase my entire being and build it up again just to find it. Is it possible to have a passion and not know why you’re passionate about it? Maybe not having all the answers is the why you’re so passionate about it. So caught up in the feelings that it’s the only way you could explain what it is you’ve grown so fond of.
Okay so maybe I don’t know what my passion is right now it’s not the end of the world right? It’s not uncommon to not know your passions, I’ve asked around and I did my Googles, not knowing doesn’t make you lesser it just means you have a bit of soul searching to do. I’m content with not knowing the specific what or why right now, it’s given me time to taste test a little bit of everything. No, I don’t want to stray away from figuring out what the (mine, personally) big picture is because I’m just “content” but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life timid and constantly searching for answers, the idea of that is seemingly more miserable than being content and unaware. So I guess in a way I’m content and aware, because of trial and error of course…